The Last Dance
by rcf1989
Summary: Too much wine in a party she didn't expect to attend makes Sharon confess a secret that slowly consumes her but also has the potential to destroy a marriage as soon as she shares it with her beloved Deputy Chief and friend Brenda. D&V series.


**A/N. This is the first oneshot of a series I'm writing, all set in this fandom. Each story will be a stand alone and won't be related to any others unless stated otherwise, so far the four I've planned - including this one - are not related except for what makes them part of the series which are two elements: dancing and a fuction/event/party/wedding. The dance and one of the other four will be what connects the stories to have something in common, as well as the main characters on them. At some point there might be a sequel if inspiration strikes, otherwise nothing else will come out of each story. I titled the series Dance and Variations, although you may find it around as D&V on the description/summary.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Standing tall to her full height in the balcony looking over the darkness of the city, only iluminated by the street lights giving it more life than sometimes it really had, with a glass of red wine, half full and with a slight trace of her crimson lipstick on it, in hand as she was lost in her own thoughts as the party inside the building went on and on. She came alone, and she was more than sure that no one would actually miss her had she chosen to stay home like she had originally planed nursing a glass or two of an excellent wine, and not that knock-off they were serving at the party, and a good mystery or crime novel as those had been her favorite since she was a teenager, albeit quite the ironic choice given her career.<p>

As she took a sip of the wine she closed her eyes, letting the fruity and dry taste of the dark liquid she picked as her poison for the night take over her senses for a few seconds until she fully let the now warmed up drink move down her throat, feeling the soft spring breeze on her feautures, feeling her long, glossy, sliky hair almost being carried on the wind behind her but never coming across her face to annoy her, how it felt in contact with her skin such as her throat or what little of her bare shoulders were visible under the manila shawl, hand made of pure black and white silk, she brought with her as only piece of clothing to try to keep her warm if the evening turned chilly; she had thrown together rather fast, just merely three hours prior to the party as until that moment she had been undecided whether she should attend the fuction or not, she was no socialite although she was well aware she could've been had she chosen other career or, perhaps, shall she decided to have the both of worlds with her job and all her family provided but she had been the reasonable woman everyone knew and took her job over it, leaving the functions only to a minimum and only attending them when she didn't have a choice as she didn't really have the stomach for the shallow people in them. Either way, there she found herself at the function and even if this one was work related she enjoyed it as much as the ones she attended for her family, but dressed accordingly to the occasion as she picked a black strapless dress, which many could've thought of as simple but it did what it was supposed to do as the top of the dress hugged her figure like a second skin and the skirt slowly drifted from her body to give provide her with freedom to walk as she pleased while it still flattered her long legs as it ended with a short tail behind her as she walked and gave an extra grace to her steps. She also chose a pair of black high heels, seven inch stilettos and since the day she purchased them she still wondered how could she walk on them, as well as a black mate clutch. Her make up was practically minimal, almost natural except for the bloody red mate lipstick she applied on her lips, and her hair was to its natural lengh down to her elbows and straight. What she left until the end was the jewelry, as she didn't want to overdo it so she simply picked a matching set of platinum and diamonds earrings, bracelet which she wore on her left wrist and ring on her middle finger on the opposite hand. All in all, elegant with a slight touch of sophistication but classy enough not to draw anyone's attention to her presence as most of all she had no need to conversate with anyone or actually be the center of attention.

With a heavy sigh she opened her eyes to lay her sight upon the city she had called home for many years, the city of angels which to her had become anything but an angel-like reflecting urban town. Refering to it as the city of crime, murder, gangs, broken dreams, wannabes, faux royalty and practically anything but angels. Perhaps she had become more cynical than she'd like to think of herself, but after a while it all seemed like that to her and no one would ever change her mind about it no matter how hard they tried. She was so lost in her own and most inner thoughts that she didn't register she had company until the distinct southern drawl reached her ears.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Her somewhat friend asked in a soft tone.

"Good evening, Chief." Sharon quietly said. "And to answer question I'm afraid I can only answer with another myself: ever felt so out of place that at some point you can't help but wonder if you're absolutely in the right time and place?" She still looked out to the city as she spoke, even if she felt the dark chocolate eyes fixed on her.

"Every day for the past six and a half years."

"Is that your way to tell me you regret moving to L.A.?"

"Didn't have much of a choice after what happened in Atlanta, but you already know that." The blonde sighed and looked down.

"There is always a choice, Brenda Leigh." Sharon then fell silent for a moment, as if to try to think of a good comeback to make the younger woman smile. "After all, we haven't killed each other. Yet."

And she didn't just make her superior officer smile, she actually made her laugh joyfully which unexpectantly made her smile in return as she looked to her right to observe the blonde woman as she kept laughing and that gave her a chance to take a full look on her companion's attire for the evening and she found herself being suprirsed once more within seconds. Her eyes were first set on Brenda's hair, her blonde hair styled in soft half defined curls that helped keep her appereance somewhat innocent, even youthful, when anyone who knew the southern woman for more than five minutes figured out such adjetive was far out of the list that described her, and her make up was applied in a way to attract all the attention to her eyes as the smookey effect draw the eyes straight to her own, with at least three different shades of brown, black eyeliner and fake lashes. Instead of her usual hot pink blush, she clearly applied a light peach tone to soften the rest of her look just like her lipstick was nude not to overdo her look. She then took her sight onto the outfit itself, a black fitting dress that made a little pool at the blonde's feet but not enough to leave a trail behind her, with a thick white band starting where her shoulders ended and stopping right above the swell of her breasts, giving her attire an entire classic inspiration.

As she brought her eyes back up to Brenda's face, she found her looking at her curiously and with a raised eyebrow as if already questioning her.

"I didn't see you until now, Chief, and I must say you look absolutely lovely this evening. I'm impressed."

Had she not known any better, she would've believed her eyes were deceiving her as she clearly witnessed how her boss, although not technically, blushed and lowered her gaze after being praised.

"Thank you, Captain." Brenda said finally looking back at the her. "That means a lot coming from you."

"Is that so?" Sharon asked, smirking.

"You've always been so critical of what I wear that... Well, there was only one other time you did praise my choice and it simply means a lot to me when it comes from you as I know it is sincere and you do not speak with a hidden agenda about it."

"Okay." She hid the ghost of a smile behind the rim of her glass as she brought it back to her lips.

"Okay."

"Okay." She said after taking another sip of wine, with the same ghost of a smile on her face. "I'm sure Agent Howard is happy to take you out for once and parade around with his lovely wife."

"Fritzi's not here, he's in D.C. doing some seminar." Brenda said, looking down for a moment but quickly snapped her head up. "And I am not a trophy to be... Moved around at anyone's will, Captain."

"Oh, I know that, Chief. I was only stating what I overheard your husband sharing with your division. Pity he's not here to admire you, but I'm sure you have a long list of candidates waiting to dance with you tonight."

"He said that? Fritzi wouldn't... Unless... He wasn't talking with Flynn and Provenza by any chance, was he?" The only answer the blonde got was a soft hum from her companion. "Those infuriating men!" She exclaiming, stomping her heel cladded foot in the process, and not giving any explanations she walked up to the Captain, took her glass and drunk in a gulp what was left on it.

"Chief? That was my drink."

"I'm so sorry, Captain. I'll be back in a minute with another glass for you and another for myself, just a minute."

And with that, almost not having a moment to blink, the brunette found herself alone once again in the balcony. As Brenda left in a hurry for more wine, one of the french doors to the balcony was opened ajar and although she couldn't hear any conversation, which she was deep down glad for, she now heard the faint music from the floor below and she instantly recognized the song that played within seconds; it was a revised version of Classical Gas, and judging by the electric violin she was sure it was Vanessa-Mae's version which she actually enjoyed more than she'd ever admit; in fact she enjoyed it enough that she couldn't help herself as she began to sway to the rhythm of the melody and half through she was dancing by herself, letting go of everything and no longer caring for where she was or if anyone would see her as she kept on dancing and smiling at the memories of her teenage self as that was when the original song became a hit. She did not open her eyes again until the song was over, and as she did so there she found by the door her blonde friend with only a huge glass of wine smiling at her. They remained silent for what seemed like an eternity, their gazes never leaving the other, until one of them spoke.

"Had someone told me after we met I'd ever see the composed, rule abiding and strict Captain Sharon Raydor dancing all by herself, carefree and all smiles I would have never believed a word, and yet here I saw it all by myself." Brenda said, the smile still on her face.

"All that glitters is not gold, Chief." The almost trademarked smirk was gracing her features.

"Just like you shouldn't judge a book by its cover."

"Is that why I shouldn't assume that huge glass of wine is for both of us?"

"Actually, you assume correctly. I thought, well, why bring two glasses when we can work it out with just one?"

"I can do that, if you do know how to share." She turned to walked back over to her original spot in the balcony but looked back at the blonde. "Leave the door open, if you may, I wouldn't mind the music."

As she stood by the railing, Sharon adjusted up her shawl and as she did so she noticed a hand slowly tracing the white flowerly decoration, roses in different sizes with throns and leaves, and even how her hair was all pulled to her left side so the full design was in plain view but to give a better view she opened her arms; she heard a soft gasp behind her, no doubt it was Brenda, as the fingertips were back over the slik fabric as if it to examine it further, as if a piece of evidence treated with utmost care not to damage it.

"It's so soft and delicate, probably expensive." The blonde muttered.

Sharon first hummed in agreement and then spoke. "It even had a discount when I bought it, but it was worth spending those three thousand dollars on it."

"Three thousand dollars?" Brenda exclaimed, shocked at how such an item could be so expensive.

The brunette then turned her head to look back at her friend. "It is hand made, Brenda. Pure black and white silk, the brocade is not as simple as it seems."

"Oh. I just... Well, I've never seen anything like it."

Sharon then smiled. "That is because it is not typical or any easy to find in the States; I purchased this a few years ago in Seville, it's typical in Spain but specially in the south."

"That makes sense." She gave her friend a faint smile. "Just a piece of clothing and it's worth more than all I spent in my whole outfit, that makes me feel so..." The blonde stopped mid sentence Sharon raised a hand and turned around to face her.

"Do not feel you're worthless because of the price in the tag of whatever you buy. The quality of the fabric only helps the look and durability, but what you pay for it? Never. What really matters is how you wear it, the way you mix an item with another and, most importantly, how they look on you and if you feel good with the outcome. That is all that matters, whether you can afford designer clothes or not is irrelevant."

"Are you serious? Even when you're so mean to me about my floral skirts?"

"I'm not mean, I am merely trying to give you some friendly advice which usually ends up in us bantering."

"You are mean." The blonde repeated.

"Were I mean, would I do this?"

As she spoke Sharon walked away from Brenda, about four feet away from her, and with a swift move with her arms she removed the shawl from her shoulders and passed it above her head, drapping it over one of her arms and walked back to Brenda; she then took the glass of wine from her hand and placed it on the floor, to get a stunned look in return for her actions but she simply ignored it as she took the shawl again with both hands and with a similar move to the one she used to remove it from herself she placed it over the blonde's shoulders, and instantly held it close to her body as Sharon walked around her and pulled her hair from beneath the wrap and let it fall gently over the blonde's back and shoulders, to end walking back to her previous spot and picked the glass of wine from the floor.

They were silent for a few minutes, the brunette sipping some wine whereas the blonde was still stunned over what had just taken place, until Sharon spoke, briefly.

"Well?"

"It's so heavy!" Brenda exclaimed. "I thought it would be lighter."

"You'll get used to it soon and it's rather warm, you won't get cold anytime soon."

The blonde then opened her mouth but shortly after closed it, not making a sound which made the Captain raise an eyebrow in return.

"What is it?" Sharon inquired.

"Oh, it's just the music, it's so familiar but I cannot put a ring to it."

The brunette simply gave her companion an enigmatic smile and shortly after sang along the instrumental piece, as she recognized the song as soon as she payed attention to it:

I'm a' doun, doun, doun,

I'm doun for lack o' Johnnie;

I'm a' doun, doun, doun,

I'm doun for lack o' Johnnie.

Gin Johnnie kent I was na weel,

I'm sure he would come to me;

But o, gin he's forsaken me,

Och hone! What will come o' me!

I'm a' doun, doun, doun

I'm doun for lack o' Johnnie;

I'm a' doun, doun, doun,

I'm doun for lack o' Johnnie.

I sit upon an auld feal sunk,

I spin and greet for Johnnie;

But gin he's gi'en me the begunk,

Och hone! What will come o' me!

"You... You... You can sing!" Brenda stammered, shocked at the revelation.

"Thank you."

"I mean, you sound good. For an alto."

Sharon simply smirked and took another sip of their glass of wine and then passed it over to the other woman who was in clear need of the burgundy liquid, and she greedily took a long sip enough to leave them with just a half full glass.

"Whatever does that song mean anyway?" Brenda asked after she swallowed the wine.

"Well, it's a Scottish song from the nineteenth century and my grandmother used to sing it a lot when I was a child which is how I know it. Anyway, it says: I'm sad, sad, sad. I'm sad for the lack of Johnnie. If Johnnie knew that I was not well I'm sure he would come to me but he has forsaken me; alas, what will come of me. I'm sad, sad, sad. I'm sad for the lack of Johnnie. I sit upon an old turf-seat, I spin and weep for Johnnie but he's jilted me. Alas, what will come of me!"

"Oh, it is sad and I didn't know you were part scot."

"Indeed, and now you know."

Feeling that the current conversation had come to an end, and knowing it would get awkward soon if something didn't change, Sharon simply smiled and moved back once more to her original spot in the balcony but to her surprise Brenda soon followed her steps, first removing the shawl from her shoulders and carefully placed it back on the brunette's, who quickly readjusted it and set her hair back in place so it wouldn't be underneath the fabric, and then the blonde stood in the small space between her friend and the railing, reaching back for Sharon's arms to wrap them around herself one over her waist and the other over her shoulders, in a way taking the Captain as her personal heater. To say Sharon was shoked at the displayed behaviour would be the understatement of the year, they were friends, sort of, but clearly they had not reached the level to o what the blonde had done; maybe Brenda was indeed unable to have friends since high school and when she had them she didn't understand the limist, but she would never admit out loud that she was actually enjoying their closeness or whnever the blonde leaned back a bit more into her, or the silliness of Brenda's stubborn nature as she didn't want to lose the contact whenever Sharo nwanted some wine which led them to finding completely ridiculous ways for the brunette to be able to drink the burgundy liquid and it usually ended with them laughting. Time passed adn they found themselves without wine as they exchanged silly stories of the time each of them joined the force but their fun came to an abrupt end.

"Ah, here we have our Deputy Chief and FID Captain, hiding from the world."

"Will?" Brenda asked, as she looked to her right to find a slightly drunk Will Pope. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you two the same."

"Let me rephrase that: what are you doing here drunk? You should be on your way home."

"I'm not drunk." He said, offended.

"You are, you only stand like that when you had a drink too many." Brenda retorted, smile on her face as Sharon snorted for they had busted their boss.

"At least I keep my hands too myself, unlike our rumored lesbian Captain."

"Will! Sharon didn't do anything! I'm to blame, I don't want to get cold, that's all."

"Oh, right, so you only have her as your personal heater." Will rolled his eyes as he spoke.

Sharon then quietly removed her arms from Brenda's body and took a few steps foward to him. "I do not care what rumors are out there about me, and the fact that you try to use them in a hateful way to try to hurt either of us, mostly me, just because you're not getting what you want is both pathetic and sad."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Captain."

"Really?" Sharon smirked. "Let's see.. Oh yes, the woman you still want married someone else and practically over the past year you've been a jerk to her because of the Chief race, and that is a nice way to put it. What else... Then you tried to ask me out for six months and yet you still don't get you're not my type."

"And what you exactly mean by not being your type?"

"To put it simple: bald, fat, arrogant, misogynistic, a little homophobic when the need strikes, ambitious to the point you don't care if you hurt those who consider you a friend, hitting blatantly on my daughter as well. Actually, I could easily ignore the first two but there is one big reason you're not my type which is..."

Brenda jumped in, not letting the brunette finish. "He hit on your daughter?"

"Couple weeks ago, when she stopped by my office and the three of us went out for lunch?" Brenda nodded to indicate she remembered the day. "Well, that day he hit on her a lot and I have to say she doesn't really want to come back anytime soon, not even to assult your candy drawer."

"Will, the girl is not even twenty-one yet!" Brenda exclaimed, as if with her words she was protecting one of Sharon's children as she had come to care for them as of late.

"Wait, wait. She's your daughter as is still underage? She looked... Older." He said, trying to defend himself.

"Well, she is not so next time she comes to visit me or Brenda, or any of my children, stay out of the way. You should really be ashamed of that behaviour, it would be devasting for your already poor image if news of that nature began to circulate in the building. Maybe I should drop that by Russell's super cubicle and let him spread the news." Her practically patented smirk was back on her face as she watched the look of terror form in his face. "Oh and I forgot to mention my last reason as to why you're not my type."

"Which is?" He managed to say, still in shock after the more than obvious yet subtle threat he received less than a minute ago.

"You're male. So, really, it's not just a rumor that I'm gay. Everyone with half a functional brain, drunk or sober, knows that fact. I mean, even Brenda knows and everyone knows she's not that good and very clueless when it comes to those around her." The joke got her a playful smack on the arm from the blonde woman.

"And you're just fine with it, even to get... Touchy with her?" Will asked looking at Brenda, clearly recovered from the shock.

"No, I am not fine with it because there's nothing to be fine with, Will." Brenda said rather calmly. "Should I be asked if I am fine with you liking women and being around some or be friends with them? Or you be asked if you're fine with me liking men and being around them? So, no, there is no reason to be fine with it because there is no reason to make such stupid questions. We all are the way we are,I have my flaws and I'm aware of them and I know I'm not a good friend, but I do try to be a better one and Sharon just accepts me the way I am and she supports me and that is mutual. Just because she likes women it won't make our friendship end, it would be ridiculous, and if you can't see that for yourself then I feel sorry for you, Will. Honestly, this... This thing of judging someone by their genetics is so... Exhausting, and stupid, and narrow minded. I mean, would you ask me if I'm fine working to Julio because he's Hispanic or David because he's African-American? No, you wouldn't because it's yet another stupid question." She paused for a moment. "I think it's best for you to leave."

Brenda then walked to him and handed him the empty glass she still held, saying that as he was leaving he may as well leave it on the bar as neither woman was going anywhere anytime soon. Still speechless from the table turned on him from his uncalled for and tacky attack on the Captain, he left without a word and with the glass in hand. Once they were left alone, the blonde turned around and walked back to her friend who was looking down at the floor when she reached her.

"Sharon?" She tried. "Are you alright?"

Her head snapped up at the mention of her name. "Ah, yes, thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did. That's what friends do, right?" Brenda smiled. "Ever since I was litle I never liked it when people bully others or hate or judge them just because they're different to them, because they're not like they want them to be or are scared to understand the differences. And when my brother Jimmy told me he's gay... Well, I took it even more personal."

"Well, thank you again and I'm sure your brother is proud of you. Now, I have to say you're a bit of a bully at work when you pull rank on me."

"Oh." Brenda said at first, a bit shocked by being told off in a funny way. "Well, I'll try to stop that. So, are you seeing someone?"

"What is this, high school's gossip column?"

The blonde laughed. "No, but I just want to know if there's someone I haven't met yet in your life."

"No, I'm single. As single as I've been for the past few years."

"Why? You're beautiful smart, have a good and stable job, wicked sense of humor, style, obviously money too... The list goes on."

"Sometimes that is not enough."

"What do you mean?"

"There is someone I like, I like her a lot actually, I'll tell you that, but she's out of my league."

"No one is out of your league."

"To me, someone is when they're taken and, in this case, she's married."

Brenda's eyes widened just as she gasped. "Really? Do I know her?"

At the question, Sharon didn't know what to do, tell her the truth or lie; throw their fragile friendship down the drain or save it. Be honest and tell Brenda herself or let her find out through a third party and make it all worse. Sighing, she locked her eyes with the dark chocolate ones staring back at her.

"Yes, you do know her and quite well."

"Who is she?"

The brunette swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, thinking over and over 'Don't make me say it' like a mantra, and ended up whispering it loud enough for the blonde to hear it.

"Why not? Aren't we friends?"

"Of course we are, but if I tell you then our friendship, how little of it there is, will sink and burn down before it was properly build up."

Brenda was confused for a few seconds but slowly the pieces of the puzzle began to click in her mind and her eyes widened when realization hit her. Her gaze was still on the brunette who was looking now away from her, so she spoke to try to get her attention. "Why would you like someone like me? We're nothing alike."

Taking a shaky breath, Sharon looked back at her friend. "That's part of the reason, the constant challenge that you are, your brilliant mind, the southern charm and the accent too, your admirable commitment to what you set your mind into, and then we have the lovely packge it all comes in."

Brenda blushed and was speechless for a moment. "I-I-I don't know what to say, Sharon. I mean... No one... No one's ever said such kind words about me and who and how I am and... And I've treated you so poorly at times."

"Perhaps, it's best if you don't really say anything and simply take into consideration this new... Information and decide if we now knowing this we can really be friends."

Turning her back on the blonde, she walked away from her to the farthest corner in the balcony as she had no intention of leaving just yet; with both hands on the railway to support herself, as she sighed heavily she closed her eyes to just zone everything and everyone out, thinking of how until Will walked in all was going well but then everything took a bad turn, even if she didn't know what Brenda would want now, even if she wanted nothing to do with her knowning know how she felt for her and yet she hand't been told the whole truth. Sharon couldn't bring herself to be fully honest about her feelings but what she had shared was enough to destroy the progress they have made in the past few months since Christmas and her introduction to Brenda's family as her friend. The brunette was so obvlivious of her surroundings that she didn't notice someone talked to her until her right hand was squeezed, bringing her back from her little world to reality and as she looked down she instantly recognized Brenda's hand, her left hand, over her own and she didn't dare to look at her at the moment so she looked up front.

"Where you ever going to tell me?" Brenda asked.

"Still too soon to tell you I'm a lesbian, but it's good you know already, and I had no intention of telling you I like you more tahn just as a friend."

"Why not?"

"Because that always fades, but with you it only gets stronger and I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself."

"When did it begin?"

"Really, I feel like one of your suspects right now." Sharon said drily. "And the answer you seek is after we first worked together."

"Oh my, that's a long time ago."

"Tell me about it, two years in July and it isn't getting any better."

"Look at me." No movement came from the brunette. "Sharon, please, look at me. I want to see you while we talk about this. It is important for me." After a few seconds, she saw how the Captain shifted her position to look at her like she asked. "Thank you. Will you tell me how you really feel? Earlier you mentioned you liked her, me, a lot and you keep saying it's not getting any better. I want to know the truth."

"I was honest when I said that."

"Be specific."

"Or what? I'm not one of your suspects."

"For haven's sake! You've liked me for almost two years and the only move you made was to be my friend. There has to be a reason why you're not trying to woo me, other than your ethics."

"You know what they say, if you truly care for someone you want them to be happy even if you're not the one making it happen."

With a sly grin on her face, Brenda stepped closer so there wouldn't be a gap between them as somehow and for once since they met they actually respected the personal space of the other. "Is that your way of telling me you not only like me but want me for yourself and want to make me happy but you're staying back because you won't do it out of selfishness?"

"It was no more than the answer you were looking for."

The blonde then tilted her head and began to close the distance between their heads. "Tell me to stop and I will."

"Don't do this, Brenda."

"Why not?" She whispered, as she kept leaning closer.

Sharon waited until their lips were just a few centimeters apart to whisper back at her. "I love you. I love you too much to let you do this, or anything that could jeopardize your marriage, or make you unhappy, or regret what you've done or about to do in this case. And I cannot let you repeat a mistake you've already paid for twice." She quickly then took a couple of steps backwards and spoke normally. "The wine's clearly making my tongue lose and I'm saying things that are true but that should not be said out loud. And although I've enjoyed your company, I think it'll be wise for me to go home. Enjoy the rest of your evening, Brenda Leigh."

As she was turning around to leave, Sharon found herself being turned back around and before she could know what was going on she found herself in a situation she had imagined many times but that never thought could happen as the blonde was kissing her fiercely, a hand almost like an iron grip on her hipbone and the other on her hair, half tangling her hand with it while trying to hold her head in place. It was something she wanted for months, she longed for the feeling of the soft and full lips over her own, and her skin, getting lost into it and be completely oblivious to the rest of the world around them, and did she have more to drink that night she would pay more attention to that than what her brain was screaming at her and exactly what made it all bittersweet and get her to the verge of tears as the blonde ended the kiss and moved over to her neck, kissing, licking and napping the tender flesh. She felt numb and wrong, unable to enjoy what in a different situation she'd be completely joy and thankful for, and very happy too, but not then not when the woman she had come to love and stole her heart was giving her what she wanted when she didn't welcome it for the sake of keeping Brenda's integrity.

"Stop. Brenda, please, stop this." She whispered as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

The blonde then froze and stopped to look up at the woman that had just given her something she never sought and the sight she set her eyes upon made her own heart sink.

"Sharon? Did I do something wrong?" She asked softly.

"Can't you see?"

"You're crying but why? I thought... I thought you wanted this. I thought you wanted me."

"And I do, very much so, but I can't."

"You can, I'm here. I'm right here."

"No I... Can't... Brenda... No... We..." She manged to say between the kisses that Brenda gave her until she gave in and shut up.

The blonde was holding her the same way again, but this time she was more forceful and a bit sloppy, trying to push her tongue into the brunette's mouth to gain access and got it; Sharon closed her eyes in hopes that would stop her tears, but it didn't, and she wanted to fight and push the woman away but she found that she couldn't. She was kissing her again, the woman she yearned for, the one she had been holding for a while, drinking from the same glass and sharing silly stories with, and if that was all she'd ever get from her she decided that this time she'd make the most of it. With that resolve, one of Sharon's hands made its way to the back of the blonde's neck and caressed it at times as if to soothe but also get her a bit more worked up as they kissed, while the other arm was wrapped around her waist to hold her impossibly close to her body. The kiss changed, no longer frantic or sloppy, now slower and perhaps even a little sensual, as the brunette wanted to take her time exploring a cavity denied to her. She tasted the wine just as their tongues brushed together, and the full lips she had come to appreciate were then at her mercy and ministrations just like the woman they belonged to if her moans and little whimpers were any indication. when she finally pulled back, she was practically lacking oxygen and as she opened her eyes she found dark brown ones staring back at her just as her own tears kept falling.

"Do not do that again. Ever." Sharon whispered as she removed her arms from Brenda's body and then the younger woman's from herself, as she was dumbstruck and that gave her just enough time to go away like she wanted.

She made her way for the nearest restroom, not caring if someone saw her in her current half broken hearted meltdown process, and once in what felt like her haven she finally let the tears fall freely and out of her system; Sharon needed to let it out or it would consume her, not that the love for the blonde woman wasn't already doing that on a daily basis, but now she also needed to let it out to pull herself together and be able to leave the fuction as invisible as she had been when she first arrived. No looks, no verbal or non-verbal exchanges with anyone, just moving around like a ghost amongst a see of people, nothing too different from when she was at work.

After a few minutes, she walked over to the mirrors to examinate the damage and she was glad that the waterproof mascara worked this time, so she only had to fix and fill a little here and there and reapply her lipstick. Just when she was about to get started, the door of the restroom opened and she heard Brenda's voice calling out her name as if she was a siren calling for her new prey, and she had no time to hide from the other woman as her reflection was caught in the mirrors.

"I thought I lost you." Brenda said, standing close to the Captain but keeping a little distance between them.

"Well, think again because in order to lose someone you must have them first." Sharon said, almost hiding within her work persona now.

"Why are you so mean now?"

And that made her snap. "Why am I so mean now? That's all you have to say? I ask you to drop it, not to push me to do something, to let it go and waht do you do? Act selfishly like usual and only think about what you think it's what the other wants and not even bothering to ask if you assume right or wrong."

"So you're mad at me, then."

"I am and I am not mad at you, I'm mostly hurt."

"But you kissed me back, too."

"Because if I had to kiss you for a second time, I'd make it cound and a good one for both of us. And I did ask you to stop for a reason."

"It was good." Brenda admitted as she smiled sleepishly. "Why did you ask me to stop?"

"Are you so dense sometimes or did you just hit your head in the five minutes we were apart?" Sharon asked, almost annoyed. "I told you. I love you, Brenda, but you're out of reach for me. Sweet, tormenting, menacing, maddening and oh so tempting temptation I cannot give into. No more than what I've already given into, anyway." She spoke as she now fixed her make up, eyeing Brenda through the mirror. "I don't expect you to understand this but I hope you have enough respect for yourself to know that trying to do what we've done or further will be a mistake for you and it will only bring pain for me. Not to mention it would be the third time you do something like this, at least to my knowledge."

"Why would it be a mistake? What... What if I wanted you too?"

"I don't know if you're expecting me to jump to your arms or what, but really you're married and I respect that. Unless..." She then directly looked at the younger woman. "Are you trying to test me or toy with me now, Brenda?"

Silence filled the room as the blonde looked down.

"Unbelieveable. I pour my heart out to you and then you... You have the nerve to do this. Do you get some sort of thrill playing with people, especially those who care deeply for you, or are you just some sick twisted bitch who doesn't give a damn about those around you?"

"No, no, it's not like that." The blonde said as she looked up to meet up a look filled with rage and betrayal. "Please, Sharon, let me explain this."

"What is there to explain? It is hard enough as it is for me to be in love with you when we work together, but I do my best so it won't cloud my judgement. Seeing you with Fritz kills me but I pull through it every day because I want you to be happy and I know he can do that for you, and I just keep myself out of the way. It hurts and it's complicated and it drives me crazy and yet I want to be near you everyday. I know I can't have you and never will, I accepted it, and I honestly want to be your friend if that is all we can be but I will not let you use me like a puppet to feel better about yourself."

"Fritz has always been convenient you know?" Brenda said, as she didn't really know how to think of a good comeback for the brunette, so she decided to be honest about something herself. "Everything about him is convenient. I didn't marry for love or to settle down or stability, I did it because I don't want to be alone and I'm a mess by myself. Fritz is like a wife, cleaning, and cooking, and taking care of me and Joel, and paying the bills; half of that wouldn't get done if it wasn't for him and I was alone. Even the proposal was convenient on his part, he asked me to marry him after I got some bad news and I was so lost and feeling like I was always going to be alone and worthless and then he asked me and I said yes out of fear because he knew that was his chance to pop the question. I hid the engagement for months, almost a year, and I wanted to call it all off but I didn't want to hurt him." Brenda stopped for a moment as if to put her thoughts together and continued. "I'm not the wife he wants me to be, I'm not gonna quit my job to be a housewife and I am not going to move back to D.C.. Every time something rough comes up at work, he does the same thing suggesting me to quit my job and then he'd ask for a transfer there. I don't want to, my job is my life and he should know that by now."

Sharon remained silent as she finished fixing her make up, eyeing Brenda at times as she spoke through the mirror once more, and then placed the cosmetics back in her clutch, readjusted her shawl and looked at the blonde directly again with no intention to look at her through the mirror for as long as the remained in the restroom.

"I am sorry to hear you had such an awful proposal, and maybe Fritz needs to realize who you really are and not the fantasy in his mind. However, I do not know what that has to do with the situation in hand nor how do I play into it."

"Well, you want me to be happy, don't you?"

"Of course I want you to be happy, but not at the expense of getting into a triangle and two thirds of it getting hurt by the greediness of the remaining third party. We all deserve to be happy but not at the cost of lies and secrets."

"I'll leave him."

Sharon laughed bitterly. "We both know that is a lie, how many times have you heard that one yourself in the past from a married lover? Many, I'm sure but I won't ever ask you to leave him for me. If you ever do, then do it because you're no longer happy and the marriage isn't working not because there is someone out there who loves you when she shouldn't but she can't help herself as the heart want what it wants even when the head says no."

The blonde looked down for a moment, blinking her own tears and trying to keep them at bay as she looked back up. "You're a better person than I am." She said, her voice breaking as she spoke and the tears blurring her sight, close to falling.

"Oh honey, don't cry now. We had enough with me."

"But I hurt you and you have so much anger in you for a good reason to be mad at me and... And yet you're so good to me and..."

Brenda stopped talking as she found herself in a tight embrace, her head resting on Sharon's shoulder almost automatically as she wrap her arms around her back forming a cross with them, just as she felt one of the brunette's hands rubbing her back and heard her whispering on her ear soothing words. After a few minutes, she pulled back and obvserved Sharon picking some items from her clutch and then how she was examing her face.

"What... What are you doing?" She asked, shocked.

"Surveing the damage to fix your make up. We don't want you to go back downstairs with a clown face, do we?"

Brenda smiled. "No, we don't." She was then quiet for as long as Sharon worked on her make up and when she was done she spoke again. "How do I look?"

"Good as new, but judge yourself."

Nodding, just as the brunette bushied herself packing everything again in her tiny purse, Brenda looked at her reflection in the mirror and to her surprise she looked now better than she did when she first arrived.

"Oh my, thank you so much Sharon. You should really teach me how to do this properly one day, that is if you can forgive me."

"I'll forgive you but I need a bit of time, however I need you to promise me, and keep your word, that you will not try to pull another stunt like this again."

"I promise, I promise, I promise. I won't do anything like this again, it was unfair to you and I hurt you and good friends don't do things to hurt their friends."

"You still want us to be friends?"

"I'd like that, I mean, now that we've been honest about a few things that no one else knows and we're keeping it secret I thought it could only help to build it up."

"Right, okay, and yes secrets because your husband better not get wind of this."

"Oh, no, no. What Fritzi doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Okay, seeing as we have an agreement it's time for me to go."

"What? No, you can't leave, not just yet."

"I am not one of your suspects, Brenda."

"I-I know that but there's... There's something else I want from you, and I know I'm selfish for it but I want it."

"What is it?" Sharon questioned, her left eyebrow raised as she spoke.

"Dance. I've wanted to dance with you since I found you earlier doing so all by yourself in the balcony. And... And you were right earlier too when you said there would be a line of men wanting to dance with me, and I only did so with my squad. Oh and one from yours that I can't remember."

"Ah, that must be Eliot, you're his type and his last girlfriend was like a carbon copy of you, just know you've made him quite happy and he'll beam for a while at the thought of what happened this evening."

"That is a bit scary but if he's happy..."

"Don't worry, he's a good kid. He knows he can't do anything unless he wants to be demoted and transfered to traffic to do paperwork."

"You deviouus woman, you have him terrorized." Brenda said, close to laughter.

"I call it public service, personal advice as well as warning for career suicide."

At that the blonde couldn't help it giggling for a few seconds and as she put herself back together she talked. "So, then, will you dance with little old me?"

Sharon pondered what to do for a few minutes but got the conclusion that she didn't have really anything to lose, so she simply extended her free hand for the blonde to take. "Lead the way."

Smiling brightly, Brenda quickly brought them out of the restroom and made them walk as fast as they could with their killer heels around the floor they were in to reach the stairs as she intended to dance with the Captain downstairs, in the ballroom and in plain sight for everyone to see.

"I thought we were going to the balcony." Sharon said as they walked down the stairs.

"No, not the balcony. You've been there all the time. I want to dance with you and enjoy it and let everyone talk if they want because we'll have a good time. Plus, you'll be with me." Noticing how Sharon stopped she looked back at her. "Please, just a dance then you can go home." Brenda then gave her her best deer in the headlights face.

And at that Sharon couldn't say no, she was whipped and she knew it, but she didn't want to make it easy so she sighed dramatically. "Fine, fine. Let's go to the ballroom."

Getting what she wanted, Brenda pulled Sharon closer to her and still held her hand as they now walked normally together; once they reached the ballroom at first no one looked at them but quickly people began to stare and whisper, Brenda ignore them and Sharon hide it all behind a mask of indiference because she didn't have the time nor the patience to care for them and their silly words. What the brunette didn't expect was to be lead to the table the Major Crimes Division had claimed for themselves for the rest of the evening, nor seeing their jaws drop almost in unison as their eyes set on both herself and the blonde, who then made it her task to carefully retrieve her items being her clutch and expensive shawl and left it on the table with her own belongings, threatening her team to look after the Captain's stuff as they did for hers as if something went missing she'd personally make sure the worth of every item was returned from their own collective paychecks. And just as she finished her little threat, Brenda took Sharon's hand again to walk her over the designated space in the ballroom for dancing and if the blonde knew the song that started to play as soon as the joined the rest of the couples was going to be a waltz she showed no indication for she was busier positioning herself accordingly and letting the older woman know she was going to go first for once since they met and, so, take the lead as the danced. In no time they were moving gracefully across the dance floor, and to their advantage was the fact that it seemed only them knew the song playing, the Masquerade Waltz, or at least Sharon knew it quite well which helped her guide their steps more fluently even when the pace changed, quicking their steps with the music towards the end until it was over; they got so lost into their dance that they failed to notice everyone else stood aside to observe them, but mostly what kept them away from seeing the others stay back and watch was the fact that they didn't take their eyes from the other as if there was no one else in the ballroom. No one said a word, acting as if they were waiting for something to happening between them as they stood so close they could breathe the other's air and considering what had happened in the floor above mere minutes ago they were in a dangerous moment and position but this time was different, not because they were in a room full of people. No, this time it was different because of what Sharon saw in Brenda's eyes, she saw in those dark chocolate eyes lust, the hunger in them for the forbidden being held in her arms so close to her and yet so out of her reach at the same time, and then she saw something else she had not expected and knew that it couldn't be faked.

Their lips almost brushed together as Sharon turned her head slightly to whisper in Brenda's ear.

"We can't do this, sweetheart. It's best if we remain friends for now, and you know why, but at least now I know not all you did was a test."

"Dance with me again." Brenda whispered back, completely ignoring what had just been said to her.

"Okay."

As the excitement of their 'will they, won't they' moment died down, all those observing them returned to the dance floor and danced to the song that then played.

A second dance was followed by a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, and Sharon lost count after their twelfth dance. She knew she was going to be shore in the morning, those shoes were slowly killing her feet, but it didn't matter to her at the time and neither did it seem to bother Brenda with her own shoes. For practically an hour they didn't exchange a word as they didn't need to as their looks and gestures told the other what she needed to know, but at some point the blonde whispered something to Sharon as she laid her head over her shoulder.

"I don't speak Russian." The brunette whispered back at Brenda.

"I know, but I wanted to tell you so anyway."

"And you won't translate it for me."

"No, not today. One day I'll tell you what it means."

"I shall patiently wait for that day to come."

No other words were uttered by either of them but both smiled contently; one because she was keeping a secret from everyone, even from the woman she was dancing with, and it made her happy to know the other one shared with her earlier that evening even if it had the potential of destroying her already rocky marriage. The other woman smiled as she got more than she hoped for that night and although she didn't speak Russian per se, she had learnt some long ago and even if she was rusty what she remembered was enough to transtale what had been whispered to her, and if she was honest with herself she couldn't wait for the day the woman in her arms spoke those same words in a language they both spoke. Until then, she'd have this night to remember and everything that came with it.


End file.
